The Devastation of Dissolution

The currents of NOW carry us through what brings us joy, bringing up what remains of our delusions around deserving. The strongest beliefs, shedding just NOW, come from the systems of the false light. “See? It never works out… There is always a delay or an issue….” or “Well, that was likely never to manifest anyway… I will never have what I really want.” These thoughts and feelings border on depression. Remember that depression is anger turned inward… always. We are schooled in the “no pain, no gain” algorithm of having to earn or have Grace conferred upon us. Then, of course, all the anti-ego programs pop up. '“Well, it never works to just want something anyway, that’s baaaad.” Here comes the wolf. And not in baaaad clothing. Conditioned responses tell us we must have mucked it up in some way and now have to pay the price.

What lifts the heart lifts the heart. Full stop. What comes up when the purgatory flow kicks in triggers more of the same. This is how dissolution functions. When we can look at our programming without taking it personally, we move forward. This does become easier with practice. Feel the feelings, observe what is presenting as objectively as possible, recognize the pattern, and wish it well on its way.

This is a deep and turbulent purge. It shows us where we might be willing to cave to old programs, where our feelings have vestiges of futility, where we forget to look toward and ask to be shown the shining resolution. These resolutions find us when we are ready to let go into their blessings.

“This, or something better,” is a beginner’s step into fluidity and trust. I find that “The optimal resolution will be wonderful” is a good place to begin. Source always knows better than our minds what will bring us into the flow of joy. This applies to timing, money, and all other physical pursuits as well as inner ones.

In a dream, I was facilitating an awakening process. Among those who chose to participate was a “very spiritual” man. Did part of me groan inwardly? Maybe a little. I spent what felt like quite a bit of time mapping out both sides of an elaborate double bind, complete with clouds of emotion and lots of window dressing, like shawls and prayer flags and garlands. On one side of the infinity loop, which inevitably acts like a Chinese finger puzzle, was what this guy thought of himself and how he saw himself and his progress. On the other, the left side as it happens, was a similar mash-matrix of bits, held by what he perceived to be and was very dismissive of, his female side. Duality strikes again! I only caught a glimpse of this ‘left side’ as the mapping effort was focused on ‘him.’ The point of the exercise was to map out the entire bind and all of its components and hand it over to his consciousness to be surrendered.

Lucidity entered the dream just at the handoff point. Wow. Some part of my identity still wants to teach this stuff, and in a way that bypasses the conscious mind as only dreaming does. Who and what would I have disappointed if I had not made this effort? What were the internal holdouts? Was there a part of me clinging to “This isn’t working out the way I wanted it to” or “He doesn’t see how to do this, so I’ll just get him started?” In all honesty, the latter is a control program. Who the hellishness would I think I was to control another’s awakening, even under the guise of helping? I would have said that I knew better. Then, as self-judgement reared its admittedly worn-down snout, giggling at being resurrected, the Great Mother stepped in.

By this time, I had let go, let the dream go, and was snuggled up under the warmth of the duvet, not wanting to brave the morning chill. She laughed, rather than state the obvious. I had been observing, for a few days, how what most people call the ‘male side’ had been active for so much of my life. As women, we learn to stand in that energy to do corporate jobs, to take any kind of affirmative action in the world, and to be identified in any way. It is demanded by the human collective. Or it was. When we operate on another frequency, it is unsupported at best, tortured at worst.

I have been following the progress of self-judgment patterns as they purge. “Oh, that wasn’t good. I shouldn’t have done that.” We all do questionable or stupid things as we learn. And then, if the programming runs true, we beat ourselves up about them. Any time we hear the ‘should’ word in our voices or our heads, positive or negative, it is the voice of a conditioned response. It also plays hell with our shoulders, as some of us have learned. The body is quite often literal in how it holds these patterns up to the light.

The Divine Sorting Hat is in full function within and without. There is nothing to be ‘done’ about it but ride the lightstreams.

Something else happened yesterday that plunged my body into an almost-depression, instantly and unexpectedly. I was quite surprised. I realized that it involved something I really wanted, that I had been wishing to manifest. Something that lifted my heart.

Instead of playing along with what was coming up, I chose to sit with the light, as the light, and see what happened. I recognized the family pattern, the symptom-causing emotional pathology, and the effort my body was showing me it took to hold all that. I encouraged her and gave her permission to just let go of anything that might remain. It wasn’t mine anyway. There was no reason to have owned any of it. And, yes, it had to do with the effects of my actions or non-actions on others. I had exited the dreaming example, but my body still held the template.

All that flows through me knows that the optimal resolution is what will manifest. My conscious mind has no control over that, nor does it need to do. Source flows a message through me, and it is none of my bloody business how it is received or by whom. I have been shown that time and again.

So, having not slept much, I can report that last night’s purging energy was intense. So much of what is happening NOW has to do with whether we are paying attention and how. Are we feeling what we need to feel without bypassing? Are we letting go without trying to control the dredging? It varies in the moment, does it not? This is a rebirth, a reconfiguration, at the core of what we dream ourselves to be.

The Imbolc opening has arrived. Though the exact alignment is a few days away, the impending full moon illuminates its gifts. I
chose to accept and receive these blessings. It is my fondest wish that you do so as well, in whatever way is optimal for you.

Planetary transitions are not for wimps. Isn’t it amazing to have shed that skin and those programs?

This is where the great work begins.