The Voice of Divinity
Many years ago, while reading Gael Baudino’s Strands of Starlight, I came across a pledge made by a woman who had been transformed from angry healer to warrior Elf. “If you will have me, I will serve you.” I wept. The vow was so familiar, yet flew in the face of all of the spiritual traditions I had studied and lived in this life and others. Then I read another line, voiced by one of the Elven characters, “Mother made me. I am She.” Yes, I thought, that’s it. And so, there was an inner pivot. Ready or not.
I was raised, conditioned, and remembered, to always be in service to Source and not to project that authority out onto anyone or anything outside of that light. That remembering had made studying with an enlightened teacher difficult, as all of the other students worshipped him. Him. That was part of the problem. So now the forever-pendulum of dualistic experience would swing the other way? No, thank you. So, what then?
A new learning immersion had begun. I was quite familiar with the Marys, with the Hindu and Tibetan Buddhist Goddesses, and treasured those archetypes. I dove deeper into their traditions and found that my mind had not understood, at all. As I offered myself, with all the false humility the spiritual ego could muster, She began to teach me directly. I knew what was happening, even as my egoic “I don’t want to be in my ego” patterns surfaced. {The “I” in that sentence is a dead giveaway.} The depths of what humans call feminine divinity deal with this form of spiritual ego deftly and with gusto. It begins with “there, there, now,” and culminates in a swift and surgical execution. It is a much-needed demise, if one would be free.
As the various fractals of Divinity began to show themselves to me, each one insisted that her archetype was upgrading to better move with the change of the tides. It was fascinating, thrilling even, to observe the evolving forms of the Goddess. Like exquisite celestial flowers, they blossomed into ever-expanding power and light. And then, they began to speak through me, as me. The inner wisdom that this being has carried blossomed with them as we became sisters of another kind.
I encountered the patterns in my configuration that held misogyny, that wanted to control this invincible force that is creation. It was a humbling mirror. I asked, over and over, why the voice chose to work through me in these forms. My mind was as silly as anyone’s still.
The imbalance ends now, She answered.
I AM the truth, the light, and the All. All that takes form moves through me, as me. Your open heart is the difference.
Full surrender took what seemed to be a long time. Students often think, “Oh, surrender is easy for Nalini. It’s tough for me.” Tough for a strong ego, yes. Tough for one who holds a lot of light and has unconsciously been conditioned to bend that toward the systems of domination and control that have pretended to run this world for so long.
The false light is not stronger. She is adamant about this.
The voice comes through feeling, through inner knowing, and has no gender, no physicality whatsoever. And yet, the voice nurtures, nourishes, acknowledges, accepts, supports, and cherishes. Its essence is the amplified Protectoress of Life, into whose arms I have surrendered, again and again, until, at last, we are One.
She is infinite and, therefore, speaks with many voices. Yours may be one of them if you so choose. She once said to me,
What if it takes a million voices for billions of ears to hear?
I can advise that you beware of the co-opting threads of spirtualized ego that say you can be an individual and speak as Source. Individuated, yes. Individual, no. Aligned as is not the same as one with. And, the Great Mother has known this, all along. In the words of Mighty Isis, another favorite archetype, “You, who are mine…”
~ calling all angels… all light-infused winged ones who fly from the opened heart… You are called home.
